My daughter's homeschool to public school experience

I never planned on homeschooling, it just happened. The turning point in our children's education came during a Kindergarten parent-teacher conference. I was told by the teacher that my daughter spent too much time drawing and did not leave enough time for her writing,  which would be a problem when she went into 1st grade. I remember wondering why it was a "problem" for a 6-year-old to draw and why wasn't the teacher directing her to complete the work that she needed to do first? If I taught her at home, she would have all of the time in the world to draw and write.

That Kindergartener (now back in public school) is working toward graduating high school this school year. Which means that she is talking about college. Which means that she has to fill out applications and write essays. When I asked her what her college essay was about, she told me that it was about the move from homeschool to public school.

I asked her if I could share her essay and she agreed. This is still a rough draft, and she needs to whittle it down to 500 words or less, but it's a good start.

Not Like the Movies

After being homeschooled for 11 years, my first day of public school was a huge shock. On the first day of my sophomore year I got onto a crowded and uncomfortable school bus, and when I got to school I was completely lost. There were no “popular tables” at lunch and nobody was dumped in a trash can. There were no lunches stolen or teachers that were crazy strict. Movies made high school seem like a dreamland full of fun classes, dates to dances, decorated lockers, and instant friends.

Public school took a lot more adjustments and dedication than I expected it to. The classes were now an average of thirty loud, distracting kids compared to the size of one quiet kid that I grew up used to. Making friends took effort because most kids gave you a glance before they decided if they liked you or not. The culture of public school was full of crude language and showy clothing, and having grown up a semi-conservative Christian I had no clue how to fit in. My school work was difficult, especially since I had never had to share a teacher before and all of my homework was regular school work, but when I was homeschooled homework was combined with class work.

Coming into public school my sophomore year of high school made it very hard to interact with other kids, because the majority of them had known each other since elementary school. Growing up I had been a part of a few different groups here and there. I was a part of a Christian homeschool group when I was younger and had a couple friends through that. When I was older I played basketball with a Christian organization, had a science group with other homeschooled kids using the same curriculum, and took art classes for a few years at a private Christian school. Apart from a couple good friends that I had through doing those things, I did not have many friends. Although I didn’t have many friends I didn’t think of it as a bad thing, because the friends I did have were very good friends. Going into a public school setting though, I began to question this because I didn’t know anyone. None of my friends went to school with me so I had a very rough first year. Once I joined the theatre at school I had found my place. I made good friends that I felt comfortable around, and I made a place for myself.

The school work was very different from what I was used to. I came from waking up in the morning and sitting down at my kitchen table to do my school work. I worked in a classroom of 1, and I got the teacher (my mom) all to myself. Switching to sitting in a desk in a classroom full of kids that were loud and distracting, and having to share my teacher was a huge shock. I had to quickly learn how to take notes from a lecture, how to work in groups with other kids, and how to speak in front of the class.

The switch from homeschooling to public school was a switch that I will forever be glad I made. I value having experienced both sides of schooling, and I can’t wait to see where it takes me.  

When will homeschool leaders accept the fact that child abuse does happen in homeschool families?

I first heard of Lisa Cherry when R.L. Stollar at Homeschoolers Anonymous did a series about Lisa Cherry's Frontline Family Ministry's Child Abuse Prevention Week. While reading this series, I happened upon thatmom.com, Karen Campbell's, first podcast with Lisa Cherry. I thought this first podcast was decent. It mostly addressed Cherry's experience with her daughter when she was lured into a sexual abuse situation with an older man at church. She also addressed that homeschoolers face some distinctive vulnerabilities when it comes to abuse. The kicker, though, was that she did not address the fact that homeschooled kids may be abused by their parents until the end of the conversation.

This is my main frustration with homeschooling leaders. I have yet to hear from one homeschool leader that homeschooled kids CAN be abused by their homeschooling parents. Karen Campbell's second podcast with Lisa Cherry lived up to this.

Karen starts off her podcast by saying:

"The protection of homeschooling children from the ravages of sexual abuse is one of the hot topics within homeschooling circles, and for good reason. As much as we would love to be able to say this never happens in homeschooling families, sometimes it does."

Okay.  Good start. At least she's admitting that "sometimes" child abuse happens in homeschooling families. However, further on in her podcast, Karen states:

"One of the concerns that I have had is that there seems to be an agenda on the part of some people that the parents are the perpetrators of abuse towards children. Now you and I both know that there are times when that is true. We watched in horror the reports of what happened with people who had used the Pearl’s “To Train Up a Child” book. We have heard these abusive stories, we’re talking about physical abuse. We’ve, we’ve seen and I’ve heard and I know people personally who have been through very spiritually abusive homes where legalism rules and there is no desire for relationship with children. So we know those kind of things do happen. But I do not believe that parents for the most part are the perpetrators of this kind of situation with their children. And I also believe that sometimes when those things have happened it is not because you have parents who desire to be abusive, it’s because they have been subjected to teaching that tells them that this is the only Godly way." 

This is the point in which I think I spit my coffee out on my laptop. Really, "But I do not believe that parents for the most part are the perpetrators of this kind of situation with their children." And this "agenda?" REALLY??!!

And, even later:

"And I’m not convinced what they think is a problem actually is a problem."  

Let's look at some facts from Children's Bureau, an Office of the Administration of Children and Families. Every year they post child abuse statistics. The most current listing regarding child maltreatment is for the year 2012.

• Four-fifths (80.3%) of perpetrators were parents
• 6.1% of perpetrators were relatives other than parents
• 4.2% of perpetrators were unmarried partners of parents
• 4.6% of perpetrators were an other relationship to the victim
• 3.1% of perpetrators were an "unknown" relationship to the victim

These statistics are consistent with all of the statistics that I have every read about child abuse. When it comes to child abuse, the only grace that I will give Karen Campbell and Lisa Cherry is that in the area of child sexual abuse, it is difficult to find information regarding the breakdown of the relationship of the perpetrator to the victim. Most statistics note that a "very high percentage" of victims of child sexual abuse "know" the perpetrator.

Lisa Cherry continues the train of thought:

"To think, to think that, you know, we’ve got a few cases here in homeschooling. Well, I open my, my email feed just constantly and I find, you know, the, the two women that went after the teenage boy in the high school just a few weeks ago. You know, you find just case after case after case."

It's as though child sexual abuse is committed by the bogeyman or some other government sponsored officials. The continued denial of child abuse happening within Christian homeschooling families does not help victims. It is time for Christian homeschooling leaders to tear down the pedestal of the perfect Christian homeschooling family and admit that child abuse does happen.

The other point which stood out to me was this part of the conversation:

Lisa: "Now I know that there’s some places online that are saying we need the government to step in, we need more regulation, we need to protect our kids, we need to have more rules, we need to have more laws. Karen, I don’t believe that’s the answer."

Karen: "No."

Lisa: "I don’t believe the government will be able to protect from these kinds of very sensitive things. I think, I believe that God placed families together to provide protection for children."

I would agree that the government is not the best parent of a child. I have been working with a kid in the foster care system due to child abuse and it is frustrating to get her the help that she needs. However, I believe that that DHS is an avenue that attempts to help kids who have been abused. And to say that God provided families to protect kids? What about the kids who are being abused by their family members? Who is protecting them?

As far as Lisa's concern about government's regulation over homeschooling, I would agree with "some places online" that think there should be some regulation. Having been a homeschooler for 10 years and interacted with some in my state's Christian homeschool association, I understand the concern for having more regulation to protect children. Campbell and Cherry's defense that the government does not help protect public schooled kids is not helpful. First of all, let's consider the fact that there are far more children schooled in the public school setting than in the homeschool or private school setting. Secondly, consider the fact that at least public schooled kids have mandated reporters that are able to see any potential child abuse problems and report them. Homeschooled children do not have this extra attention from mandated reporters who may advocate on their behalf.

But it was this additional statement that made me almost spew my coffee a second time:

"We’ve seen HSLDA try to help us with them."

HSLDA. Honestly, I have not seen much by them for supporting victims of abuse. ThinkProgress.org has a good article about how HSLDA has lobbied for laws against making "false reports." It is my opinion that HSLDA's main goal is to protect the rights of homeschooling and parental rights. While HSLDA does not condone child abuse, I think that they really do not know how to handle a case of an abusing homeschooling parent unless it directly relates to homeschooling. In that case, I think that HSLDA will fight for the right of the parent to homeschool and not for the child victim.

All in all, this second podcast by Karen Campbell with Lisa Cherry left me very angry and frustrated. It seems that we will continue to wait for homeschool leaders to admit the fact that child abuse does in fact happen within homeschooling families. Until they are willing to accept this fact, child abuse "may" happen in homeschool families, but most likely it will be perpetrated by someone outside of the family. Darn that elusive bogeyman.